wanna go halves on a baby?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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