I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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