You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
