Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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