gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
