I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
