so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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