Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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