those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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