He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
