It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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