I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
