There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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