At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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