I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
