I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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