You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
