Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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