I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
