Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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