Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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