piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
