Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
