I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
