i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
