Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
