Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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