now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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