Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
