You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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