Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
