wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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