I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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