i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
