Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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