Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
