Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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