I look better un-naked...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
