you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
