xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
