I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
