how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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