So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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