Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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