What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
His nipple licking is glorious
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