Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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