It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
