You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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