i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
