On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
