I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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