worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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