Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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