Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
