I'm jealous of your bromance
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
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